


For Now

by slashedsilver



Category: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Genre: Angst, Drunkenness, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-07
Updated: 2011-04-07
Packaged: 2017-10-17 23:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashedsilver/pseuds/slashedsilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Goo Yong Ha struggles with his inability to read Moon Jae Shin, and deals with it the best way he knows how.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Now

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [drabbles365days](http://community.livejournal.com/drabbles365days), for the prompt _pretend_.

Moon Jae Shin is a study sometimes.

For all the years Yong Ha has been hanging on to him, following after him, and generally trying to insinuate himself into Jae Shin's life, he still can't decide how much of it Jae Shin puts up with, and how much he truly appreciates Yong Ha's presence and sees him as a friend. Jae Shin treats everyone much the same -- regarding them with a stony stare and rearing back whenever he feels they are trying to restrict his freedom. A true, wild horse. Untameable, never tied down to anyone or anything.

Yong Ha wishes Jae Shin would tie himself down, even a little, to Yong Ha's side.

Every now and then, he would think he had gotten somewhere with Jae Shin -- been able to coax an amused quirk from Jae Shin's lips, a slight softening of his eyes. From someone who guards his emotions like his life depends on it (and sometimes it does), Yong Ha regards these moments as small victories -- a side Jae Shin shows him that he never shows anyone else.

Then something always happens: he observes Jae Shin smiling a soft, open smile at Daemul, he watches as Jae Shin exchanges a silent conversation with Lee Sun Joon, completely with his eyes, and Yong Ha is left questioning again if Jae Shin's moments of vulnerability are given specially to him, or only for show -- just that little bit that is enough to keep Yong Ha believing, keep him coming back to Jae Shin.

Yong Ha hates it when he feels this way. He knows it's just his insecurities getting the better of him, making him question even the people who mean the most to him.

So when he catches himself mullishly considering these thoughts on a lonely midday afternoon, when the grounds of the Scholars' Village is quiet and empty and everyone has gone into town -- even, apparently, his best friends, Yong Ha decides the best way to stop himself from feeling this way is to get completely, utterly smashed.

He only realises how late it's become when he's stumbling out of the gisaeng house, only to find that the streets are empty, and that the sole establishment that is still filled with light and chatter and any sign of life at all is the one he has just emerged from.

Even drunk, Yong Ha knows that it is most definitely Not a Good Sign. As best as he can, he begins to pick his way back to the Scholars' Village, noting absently that he will need to take the secret passageway back onto the grounds, and wondering if he has the presence of mind to find it.

His progress is rudely halted when he finds himself surrounded by rough-looking men. Belatedly, he realises he must have taken a wrong turn, and wishes he had thought to engage an escort to send him home.

"Isn't this a scholar from Sungkyunkwan Village?" one of the thugs begins, starting the usual 'I want your money but I have to make sure you're thoroughly terrified before I get it from you' spiel.

"Come now, I don't want any trouble," Yong Ha intends to say, but it comes out garbled and slurred and not at all impressive. He wonders if he can make it back with his money and his person intact.

The thugs are closing in on him now, one of whom appears to be equipped with a particularly heavy set of fists, and Yong Ha decides that the best policy right now is to crouch low and cover his head, as he waits to be robbed. He hopes it won't hurt too much.

His sense of time seems to have been warped along with the drink, because the next thing he knows, there is a flurry of movement and suddenly he can breathe without taking in the smell of fish and old clothes. Yong Ha works up the courage to look up, and blearily sees the figure of a tall man, completely clothed in black.

"Are you here to assassinate me?" Yong Ha asks hopefully. "My head hurts."

"You idiot," the masked man hisses. "What are you doing wandering around at this time of the night?"

Yong Ha's brain stops, stutters, and kicks to a start again.

"Geol Oh!" he exclaims, happily. "What  _am_  I doing out here..." Yong Ha tries his best to remember, and then instantly regrets trying so hard. Misery swamps him again and he wishes he had another drink.

"Have you been drinking again?" Jae Shin's voice is sharp. "You never get so drunk."

"'M fine," Yong Ha says, and struggles to his feet. Instantly he curses himself for the sudden movement, because a wave of dizziness overtakes him, and would have landed him facedown in the dirt, had Jae Shin not shot out a hand to steady him.

"What happened?" Jae Shin demands. For someone who doesn't pay much attention to him, Jae Shin sure knows a lot, Yong Ha thinks to himself. Like when he's lying to his face.

"I -- "  _feel like throwing up_ , Yong Ha finishes in his head, as he falls to his knees and does just that.

Jae Shin is right beside him, running a soothing hand up and down his back as Yong Ha chokes and heaves and in general, looks entirely unglamorous and unappealing.

"Sorry," he manages, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief Jae Shin hands him. He didn't even know Jae Shin  _owned_  a handkerchief, and that thought is enough to make him depressed again.

"Hey." Jae Shin's voice is gruff. "Did someone say something to you?" His voice turns cold. "Was it Ha In Soo?"

Yong Ha is at once warmed that Jae Shin cares enough for him to insist on finding out what is making him so miserable, even while he's feeling miserable, because that's the reason he was drinking in the first place, isn't it?

It's a confusing feeling. Yong Ha refuses to answer, in case Jae Shin sees more than he should.

"Help me get back," he says instead.

And Jae Shin is here right now, helping him hobble back to the Scholars' Village, and even though Yong Ha knows Jae Shin might not feel the extent of emotion Yong Ha does for him, for Yong Ha, he can pretend to himself that it is enough for now.

For now.


End file.
